2-year Anniversary

Two years ago today…we were here:

I love you, hubby.

What do you do when…

…your partner feels like a failure?  When you can’t make the person you love most feel better about themselves?  When the support you can give does not even make a dent in the fear, frustrations, and disappointments he is facing…at the exact time his first born is about to be born…an event that, while wonderful, adds to the fear of being able to provide, a fear of failure.

I must admit to being a little lost on this one.  I usually know what to say.  I usually say too much…too many details and opinions and thoughts and ideas.  Easily convincing, consoling, and cajoling the smile back.  This time though, no debate and meticulous argument can make him see how incredible he and all his accomplishments are.

 

I told him that I will gladly be the primary bread winner.  That I will find another job and we can move.  That the financial loss we would take is not worth his sanity.  That I love him anyway.  That he is enough, just how he is. 

Ultimately, when someone looks back over the last 15 years of their life and sees the turns they took in their career, some genius, some totally damning…what can you say?  When they are shut-out of their own research and projects 5 years-in-the-making are ruined because of someone else’s greed.  What can you say? 

“We will get through this.”

It doesn’t feel like enough.  Not nearly.

The ‘Healthy’ marriage talk

The Hubs and I had a long talk last night about the “state” of our marriage and how we will cope with a crying, needy Baby Mabel.  While we are tickled and excited, the words “what have we done?” were muttered at least 6 times. 

No more lazy coffee mornings…

No long stretches of sleep (for awhile)…

No last minute hiking/biking trips…

No more double Netflix movie nights with homemade popcorn…

While we recognized this will not last forever and we fully intend to incorporate her into our life as well as us in hers, it is scary.

We are scared.  The world of parenting…one big horrifying miracle of joyful terror and bliss.

The hubs is most worried about our “schedules”…basically figuring out how we will get everything we HAVE TO get done without losing our minds, jobs, and friendship.

Regardless of how much we want and love her…these are the things that we the worry-warts discuss…when we should be having sex…while we still can.

…only 7 weeks to go.

Sometimes my husband amazes me…and carries around an extra wet man.

We had the pleasure of going to West Virginia for the weekend.  There were 4 couples in total and the plan was snow-shoeing, cross-country skiing, gluttony on the food front, and a hot tub.  Sadly, I could only partake in the food part, and boy did I (along with doing most of the cooking…which was actually fun!).

It was an eclectic group of people.  One couple (S&R) we met through Mr. Ology’s work and they have become really good friends.  We have similar interests and outlooks.  One couple (S&A)  I met through another mutual friend, and we realized they live just down our street.  They are super cool and have been loads of fun.  The last couple (D&M) is here from Turkey; the husband is a Fulbright scholar and is finishing up his grad work.

Sadly, the snow eluded us…as it eluded most of the lower 48…, but the cabin, fires, games, food, and company was awesomeness.

As to the title of this post…the hubs is under crazy amounts of stress at work.  Beyond anything about which I have heard others complain.  So, his capacity for initiating or even committing to socializing has been severely stunted.  …and he married a “I need my friends” kind of girl.  He has put up with me thrusting strangers on him and scheduling parties and get-togethers with hours notice.  Beyond that, he has created real friendships with the S&R and S&A husbands (both S’s:).  One of the husbands is a total “I hate big cities” and “Let’s fix some shite” bromance. 

The other husband is a biking bromance…and a paraplegic.  It has been super interesting to watch my husband encounter situations unique to a friendship with a paraplegic.  Now, first off, this guy is SUPER cool, really laid back, and from BOSTON.  Need I say more?  He doesn’t really let anything stop him…which is good for my husband, who needs a lesson in positive thinking.  can you say pessimist? 

The hubs has lifted S’s hand cycle chair over fallen trees (while he’s in it…I can’t get him to do that for me!), lifted him in his arms to move him into our truck to go to a bike race in Baltimore, and carried him on his back to and from the hot tub (boo for too many stairs in the chalet!).  All 4 guys laughed and got drunky and made dumb dildo jokes…and I (obviously sober) watched and was happy that I married a guy who sees the man, never the chair.  He never once stopped to pause …a man who thinks carrying a wet, drunk man drape across his back, while drunk himself, is totally par for the course.  Pretty cool friends, pretty cool husband.